Isn’t it tough for the young ones? If only we’d known with certainty how much better it would get…can you imagine if we’d known the loves of our lives was just waiting for us? All we cared about at the time! Thanks for your comment 😃
I love your stories and your openness, matched by your sketches, with their comment bubbles in the same unguarded style. I’ve been encouraged to add “personal” writing to my own sketches, seeing yours. But I still have the nagging doubt about whether anyone would be interested (or maybe would just think it’s stupid)... so far from the reaction to yours! Maybe my doubts arise from a relatively easy ride through life. My teenage years weren’t particularly angst filled - even though I kind of sought problems because I felt it might shape my art and music (which weren’t going well because I was much more of an engineer!) - it didn’t really kick into anything noteworthy. Girls didn’t exactly flock around me, but I did OK and then very much OK when marrying in our early 20s. Forty happy years (plus) later I must have things about all that to annotate my sketches, but the doubts continue! Maybe it’s time to sign up to your classes? (I only haven’t so far because I’m trying to lessen screen time, not increase it, but it’s so tempting!)
First thought: I have an MSc in science so I have always been as much of a scientist as an artist (two days ago my son and husband waxed lyrical about the properties and behaviours of fluids, and I joined in, as excited about the maths and physics involved as I remembered being as a science student). So the one does in no way preclude the other (Leonardo?). About the openness: I figure we're all in this together, and I am blessed with the confidence and security not to worry about reactions. A recounting of a human experience can't be stupid, it can only be honestly or dishonestly expressed, and well- or badly-written. I think a lot is to do with one's self-image: my British husbabnd is convinced he's a poor writer, having been told as much in his very fancy school - but fancy or not, they were wrong. He is blessed with a wonderful ability to express himself, with eloquence and raw honesty. I always say my biggest difficulty when training sketchers is their self-perception as unable to do it. On the other hand, unless you feel a compulsion to express yourself in that open way, I wouldn't do it. You definitely expose yourself in so doing - I don't know why I don't mind that. Sometines I regret it! But on the whole people's reactions are charitable and gentle. Like yours! Thank you.
Ah yes, I think "fancy" schooling and then red-brick university teaching in the 70s, whilst making me a assured and successful engineer, damaged my confidence when it came to the arts. I thoroughly enjoy sketching and playing music, but also suffer with imposter syndrome which is deeply ingrained. I find that very difficult to explain, even to myself. I'm quite happy standing in front of a large audience talking about my engineering designs (once that crowd exceeded 4000 students for two hours, via an interpreter, at an Institute in China!) and my writings on those subjects have been published several times. But I'm still quite shy when explaining my art (if i ever do); thus the reluctance to annotate, I guess. As you say, there's no need unless feeling compelled to do it... but I do find what you do engaging and, as said, am being encouraged to give it a go. Work in progress!
My father used to say to me "faith is caught, not taught" and while it's probably the same for confidence, I think eventually your psyche gets used to the feeling of being exposed or underconfident and says "ah who cares, I'll just do it anyway". The first time I presented a paper in front of an audience (NOT 4000 strong!) I was nearly sick with nerves. By the time my PhD was well underway not only was I not nervous, I couldn't wait to waltz out onto the podium. Art, public speaking or presenting a paper - all you have to do is make sure you're having fun in the process and hey presto - success!
I’m certain that your father and you are quite right! As I said, I cannot explain to myself why I lack confidence in my art, but not in my professional work, nor indeed in most other aspects of my life! I’m a competent sketcher and a good musician so I think it’s embedded too deeply now. It doesn’t ruin my enjoyment (at all), just limits the applications sometimes. I’d never really tried analysing the reason until your post this weekend. It remains baffling, but interesting! Thanks again for your writings.
I loved reading your story. You could have been writing about my misspent youth and the quest for Mr Right! Still happily married after 37 years.
Isn’t it tough for the young ones? If only we’d known with certainty how much better it would get…can you imagine if we’d known the loves of our lives was just waiting for us? All we cared about at the time! Thanks for your comment 😃
I love your stories and your openness, matched by your sketches, with their comment bubbles in the same unguarded style. I’ve been encouraged to add “personal” writing to my own sketches, seeing yours. But I still have the nagging doubt about whether anyone would be interested (or maybe would just think it’s stupid)... so far from the reaction to yours! Maybe my doubts arise from a relatively easy ride through life. My teenage years weren’t particularly angst filled - even though I kind of sought problems because I felt it might shape my art and music (which weren’t going well because I was much more of an engineer!) - it didn’t really kick into anything noteworthy. Girls didn’t exactly flock around me, but I did OK and then very much OK when marrying in our early 20s. Forty happy years (plus) later I must have things about all that to annotate my sketches, but the doubts continue! Maybe it’s time to sign up to your classes? (I only haven’t so far because I’m trying to lessen screen time, not increase it, but it’s so tempting!)
Thanks Nick: I appreciate your words.
First thought: I have an MSc in science so I have always been as much of a scientist as an artist (two days ago my son and husband waxed lyrical about the properties and behaviours of fluids, and I joined in, as excited about the maths and physics involved as I remembered being as a science student). So the one does in no way preclude the other (Leonardo?). About the openness: I figure we're all in this together, and I am blessed with the confidence and security not to worry about reactions. A recounting of a human experience can't be stupid, it can only be honestly or dishonestly expressed, and well- or badly-written. I think a lot is to do with one's self-image: my British husbabnd is convinced he's a poor writer, having been told as much in his very fancy school - but fancy or not, they were wrong. He is blessed with a wonderful ability to express himself, with eloquence and raw honesty. I always say my biggest difficulty when training sketchers is their self-perception as unable to do it. On the other hand, unless you feel a compulsion to express yourself in that open way, I wouldn't do it. You definitely expose yourself in so doing - I don't know why I don't mind that. Sometines I regret it! But on the whole people's reactions are charitable and gentle. Like yours! Thank you.
Ah yes, I think "fancy" schooling and then red-brick university teaching in the 70s, whilst making me a assured and successful engineer, damaged my confidence when it came to the arts. I thoroughly enjoy sketching and playing music, but also suffer with imposter syndrome which is deeply ingrained. I find that very difficult to explain, even to myself. I'm quite happy standing in front of a large audience talking about my engineering designs (once that crowd exceeded 4000 students for two hours, via an interpreter, at an Institute in China!) and my writings on those subjects have been published several times. But I'm still quite shy when explaining my art (if i ever do); thus the reluctance to annotate, I guess. As you say, there's no need unless feeling compelled to do it... but I do find what you do engaging and, as said, am being encouraged to give it a go. Work in progress!
My father used to say to me "faith is caught, not taught" and while it's probably the same for confidence, I think eventually your psyche gets used to the feeling of being exposed or underconfident and says "ah who cares, I'll just do it anyway". The first time I presented a paper in front of an audience (NOT 4000 strong!) I was nearly sick with nerves. By the time my PhD was well underway not only was I not nervous, I couldn't wait to waltz out onto the podium. Art, public speaking or presenting a paper - all you have to do is make sure you're having fun in the process and hey presto - success!
I’m certain that your father and you are quite right! As I said, I cannot explain to myself why I lack confidence in my art, but not in my professional work, nor indeed in most other aspects of my life! I’m a competent sketcher and a good musician so I think it’s embedded too deeply now. It doesn’t ruin my enjoyment (at all), just limits the applications sometimes. I’d never really tried analysing the reason until your post this weekend. It remains baffling, but interesting! Thanks again for your writings.